So as everyone, well almost everyone went to Desaru it would not be wrong to say that my impending adventure is not quite what I had planned, but we all know nothing really ever goes to plan and in my book everything no matter how crap, happens for a reason.
So I am still going to Kona. But I am not racing. I am over that now, although still I found it a hard bitter pill to swallow on seeing my name on the start list this morning. I have eased off of everything since I got ill for the third time. I have come to realise I need to try and simplify my life, no please stop laughing - seriously this time I WILL. I have had advice to get out and away from the sport, to take a year off. I have also had fantastic support from friends and well-wishers to do otherwise - whatever I do, it will be my decision and for what I believe, to be my own good.
It is very difficult even for me to accept that I am not well when I actually feel ok. If I didn’t have the need to exercise then you could say there is nothing wrong. I went for a complete check up, convinced the doctors would find something wrong. Secretly I harboured the idea that they would find something. I know that is terrible but at least then I would have an answer for why some days I can function and then other days I cannot get myself out of bed - it is like my body has a 10ton weight on top of it.
The doctors found nothing internally wrong. The tests however revealed high cholesterol, which shocked me, as I do not eat fried foods or dairy high in fat. I knew I had put weight on but that was due to indulgence not fat intake. High cholesterol can be genetic it can also be related to stress. Well my dad bless him has very high cholesterol and stress, yeah well I don’t really handle that too well we all know that! What did they say? CFS aka Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, ME or in the old days in the UK it was called Yuppie Flu! YES, those rich young workaholics in the city worked so damn hard they then were unable to function. Unable to get out of bed in the morning - or maybe that was over drink indulgence?
Well I am far from being a YUPPIE but I tick 99% of the boxes and that’s what the doc said it was. I know in part it is in the head too. I think of it as a switch. One day when I first found this sport a switch went off in my head and I was in LOVE, I was alive, I had a goal. Well somewhere along the way this year the switch got flicked to 'off'. The passion went away, I had no care or enthusiasm for what I was doing anymore. I am pleased to say though that the smile is back and I have found the switch. I wouldn’t say it is on; there is no rush. I am going to enjoy my break and enjoy trying new things. But I am no longer afraid that I have lost it. When ready, I will just turn it back on!
So many things are happening in the coming months, I will be moving house, AGAIN. Lightening the workload, basically changing my direction. I feel the stars are finally starting to align again which makes me very happy but also quite scared. Good things keep happening, not used to that!
My passion has always been triathlon, helping people, training, running, biking, racing, all things tri related. What is sad though is I lost that passion. I lost the love of something I really LOVE - how the heck did that happen?
The only good thing to come out of the tests is my resting heart rate is still pretty low. This was a shock as I am not training and any efforts I give I know about it, hence the reason I have really backed off and the method seems to be working, finally and just in time for my adventure!
Ok, so I never EVER give stats but I am pretty chuffed at my HR. So here you are for all you stat geeks, not far from Lance-what’s-his-name, it's 37!
BTW: This is absolutely my LAST post without pictures :)