The Warm Up discipline

I need to post about my terrible KL half, that can wait though this comes first...
I was told in no uncertain terms a few weeks ago to stop (insert) 'expletive' thinking about my swim. Just get in there do the time, get and and forget about it. Take whatever rest you need, forget about splits and do it. The swim is your warm up for the bike and run.
When I first read that I thought coach had finally given up on me. It is true. The swim is my warm up. I shall never be a fishy but I know I can go into every race with the confidence that I am supremely 'swim fit' NOT swim FAST just swim fit. That helped me a lot in Langkawi when the tough swim caught up with some other athletes later in the day. You never realize until later how much it can take out of you.
So it's my warm up. Last year I swam more than I ever have in my life. I got in there did the stuff and never saw any real improvements. It was mentally mind numbing, confidence shattering and at times I wondered what the hell I was doing. How, I mean HOW an earth can I ever improve? Why, I mean WHY am I not going faster?
I struggled with these questions day in day out. Up and down the swim lanes when I was going along like a tank I would be thinking over and over and over, I feel fit, I am fit. I have swimming muscles even. So why is it not translating :(
I have stuck at it. I have switched off from comments many close and not so close friends have thrown my way. I have had offers off free coaching, offers of a coach being paid for me. Guidance, advice, thoughts, everyone has given me their two cents and some. I appreciate all of the thoughts because it shows you care. It shows you want to see Emma swim faster :)
But, I am stubborn and loyal. I put my trust in one person and no matter how hard it got I never budged and stayed put with what I was told to do. 
It's very weird how when it comes to triathlon and training I do as I am told - to the T. Part of this comes from the respect you have for the guidance a person gives. I believe in this guidance, I respect the person giving the guidance and that is enough.
Now every time I get in the water I am knocking chunks of time off previous weeks sessions. I know I have a lot to knock off but when I say chunk I mean HUGE chunks, so much it is almost unbelievable.
So I get very excited about this and report back to the coach. And he says, there you are, you have stopped over thinking.
I cannot think because I am trying to breathe on my sets. Sometimes I think I will drown because I am so puffed and think I may not get to the end. During this time I think gosh this is going to be a mighty slow set. But I get to the end and my watch reads another PB. 
I know I still don't look right to the perfect trained swimmers eye. I probably look rather clumsy, I know I make a hell of a noise as I smash the water. But I really don't care. And I don't care about understanding how I am improving. When I cared about all those little things they stopped me and held me back from just swimming. So now I just swim. And you know what, I really look forward to it, and that is THE biggest improvement that will trump any PB I can ever do.
How will this translate into a race situation? I have no clue. I know I will still suffer with my anxiety so I guess I still have quite a lot of work to do with the head side of things!!
So to all you non-swimmers out there. If I can improve ANYONE can, just apply some patience and hurry along slowly :)

Kind Deeds Deserve lots of Home Baked Goodies

So George and I have been using a 23/12 cassette for the past 10days. My legs are not keen on high cadence and out on the road  on last weeks Saturday ride the changing was smoother after months of putting up with the gears jumping, slipping and making noise. The only problem is I have never used a 23/12. I didn't realize what a difference 23/11 makes and also I guess didn't realize how much I use that gearing. Losing valuable speed down hill and on the flats I needed to find a 23/11 and we were out of stock :(

Bang on the dot at 6:30pm today, one half of my good kind sponsors walked in the store with a shiny brand new 23/11. I am (for a change) lost for words at the kindness of these two people and as I mentioned earlier to him I will say thank you the only way I know how, with baking. So you can expect delivery each Sunday at Bukit Aman of freshly baked goodies. 
This past Saturdays ride was a easy spin so the smaller cassette did not matter. In fact I did not leave home until 9:30am as I was doing a back to front triathlon! I rode the duke and stopped at not the nicest place for a photo moment but it does offer up once of the coolest views of the city from afar. And it was such a gorgeous day. usually its pitch black when I pass by on Wednesdays.
This Saturday George and I will be kitted out with our new smooth cassette. I am looking forward to speeding along and getting stronger. I have 15weeks of training to go. And two more weeks of this light stuff, better enjoy while it lasts!!

Weekend Wittering’s

Finally, I have coffee coursing through my veins. I had a sore run this morning. Sore because I wore a shirt I have not worn in a long time. 45minutes in I knew I was going to pay the price for wearing it but I preferred to be squealing like a little girl (oh wait I am a little girl) in the shower afterwards rather than strip off mid run and scare off every other runner on the road this morning with my white – one ab. Oh ok its not that bad…but if the day comes where you see me running stripped off it will be with a 6-pack. So that isn’t ever going to happen is it!

Not a bad run. Never know how far I run but if my fast twitch muscles are talking to me I know that I have tried. Also another gage is how easily I can extract myself from the car after I have driven home! Oh and while we are on the subject one more telling factor is the shoes. This morning I could actually shake my leg and the water would come out my shoes – and we are talking sweat people!!

So run in the bag I needed to do something I really do not like to do on the only day I have that post run can be looked upon as a rest day. I needed to brave a shopping mall. I needed to buy some kit. Sport bras. You know just in case there does come a day when I do strip off I need to make sure I am wearing something under there, no matter how small an area it covers!

So while I would have liked to sit on the sofa coffee in hand and snooze, I had breakfast and headed back out the door.

Now if you have to go to the mall on the weekend. Do it EARLY before the rabble gets there for their free air-conditioning, window-shopping and eating.

I decided no coffee until the chore was done and in the bag. That would get me moving and give motivation to the cause. Thankfully it didn’t take too long and I am now positioned in a quiet coffee bar away from the maddening crowds with another large Americano due very shortly.

Apparently I am supposed to be in Bali doing the triathlon. Well that was news to me? But I had an email yesterday saying some people were asking where I was? This person didn’t know quite how to respond so asked me “why the hell are you not here. Get your butt over here and kick butt”.

Ahem. I responded ever so politely. There is the little matter, little being the operative word here that in my phrase book we all know that an Olympic Distance to me means Oh Dear. So as tempting as it is to pop over to Bali and have a party, AND despite the fact that in the past couple of weeks there has been an improvement of sorts in my swim I still do not swim quick enough to warrant the trip. It’s a bummer really; a lot of friends from all over have gone to the race. I hope they had an awesome time this morning. But if there was one thing that would bite it is the transition from the swim exit to the bikes. 700 metres over sand!! Yes that’s what I said. That’s almost a kilometre. Over sand. My gosh, PD is a tough enough transition. You come out the water and I find myself sprinting and trying to breath all at once but 700metres. Hey, maybe I would have had a chance after all!!

So briefly back to the swim. I met this French lady at the pool a couple of weeks ago. She swims a couple of times a week with her husband and we usually bump into one another in the changing room NOT the pool, I can swim in a straight line in the pool. Lovely things those blue lines :)

I saw her on Friday morning after our swim. We exchanged the usual morning pleasantries and then she said something that made me think. And then made me quietly smile. My arms hurt, they always hurt. On the bike they hurt in the pool they are lactic until about 10minutes in.

“You have got a lot quicker,” she said.

(Me) “I have?”

“Yes, I said to my husband that you are going so much quicker now than two weeks ago,” she said.

(Me) “I am?”

I am not going to say anymore. I am just going to keep hurrying slowly. I now have to tape my left wrist before swimming because the paddle has started to cut me due to the fact I only swim with paddles and all the other stuff including donut aka towrope. I think the paddle is cutting because I am maybe starting to do something right? Well that’s what I am telling myself.

Yesterday I carved up some kids in the pool. There was a day when any kids in my way would be excuse enough for me to get out and skip the session. Not any more. That is MY POOL. YOU get out the way. You can see me. I cannot see you. So if I hit you, your fault. Sorry but that’s the way it is.

So far so good, it is like a constant parting of the waves and they do move out the way when I come through. Yesterday however BANG. Now the thing I have found out and have been thinking about whilst swimming is what happens if something happens mid swim before I reach the end?

Silly question you may think. BUT. When fitted with paddles, pool buoy and donut if you want to stand up in the pool you cannot. Not without having something to grab hold of. Yesterday it was the poor kid I crashed into!! I guess if I do get in trouble I can just do an impression of a whale and roll onto my back! 

Total Blog Lapse

Just been reading Denis's blog. Love the new look he has implemented. Also I am impressed that he is able to blog every day. I used to do that, sometimes more than once a day. Now I realize it is just over a week since my last blog - YIKES. Am I getting lazy? No, not really, it's just sadly my blog comes last on the list these days.
I still have plenty of time to think about what I want to blog because I am still training - and that is when I do my best blog storming. No matter how busy things get. Training is something that will ALWAYS be executed. Sometimes I have to not be so anal in order to get it done, but for the most part I feel I am balancing things pretty well at the moment. That could all go bottoms up once the training moves up to the next level, but I think. No, I KNOW it will be all right.
I am not really thinking of Kona. Ok, correction. Here is something that I was thinking about when hurting myself running up the stairs this morning for the 14th time. For some reason my legs and lungs refused to work in harmony. Meaning when the legs were lactic and I was on the verge of falling up the stairs my lungs were fine and dandy. Get towards the top and the legs started working while the lungs were just SCREAMING STOOOP! And I did. Popped in the lift, down to the ground floor and repeat X 14.
I am persevering with my stair runs despite the fact my hip is nearly as good as new. But I am not crazy enough to do them more than once a week. Keep a good balance I am told and so I just make sure to get one stair session in a week. It helps, I really think it does. While I am no where near the pace I was beginning to discover on the run last year due to the injury I am looking forward to the half marathon next weekend. It will be a nice little test of sorts. Especially as I will be riding one hour before running, Apparently for non-runners like myself I will run quicker off a warm up bike rather than a warm up run...Hmmm, we shall see :)
Anyway, what was I thinking of. Oh yup. When I was training for IM Malaysia I used the visualization technique A LOT. It gave me motivation when I was in that dark tunnel of pain and pity. I would imagine seeing myself cross the line in first place, it was so clear it was almost real. I used that a lot in my training. So now I move to Kona. No where near training for it, I am not even thinking about that yet. But the problem with not having been there or done that before is that I have no clue what to expect. I don't know what the finish line will be like. I have seen the pictures, we all have and I think I can see myself riding on the Queen K. But as for crossing the line I do not have a clear a picture of what that will be like. Perhaps I should ask Kona Carmen, I am sure she can enlighten me :)

Didn't Lose My Bottle

I have lost count of how many bottles I have lost from my rear cage. Broken countless aluminum cages, I know titanium is better but not easily available. So I switched to a carbon one that has a pretty good fit. It doesn't break but I think I have lost 3bottles from going over a bump and they just 'popped' out. On most instances when this has happened I have had to let it go as stopping would have been too dangerous.

I am not fussed about losing bottles, but I am fussed about losing liquid that I need to complete my rides. Also since I ride 95% of the time in aero, reaching behind me for the bottle I have found not to be an easy thing. Thats fine in training but when riding a long distance in a race, reaching behind and doing unnecessary movement is not something I want to risk. Hmm, maybe my arms are too short? So when racing I always forget about the rear cage, pop the aero bottle on the front and use one on the down-tube. This allows me to stay aero and drink without too much movement.

But the aero bottle is noisy. It splashes. Any little bump and you think that its going to fall. Hence the reason I do not use it for training - too annoying. So I tried something new yesterday on my ride. My wet ride, I hasten to add. So the liquid really wasn't  required much. I have seen a lot of the pro's experimenting with this idea and they swear by it preferring it's convenience over the aero bottle. It is an aero bar bottle holder fashioned by using a regular cage tied to the bars using lots of cable ties. After some adjusting I had a pretty good secure fit on Friday and was all set for my Saturday ride.

It works! I didn't lose the bottle, despite the road out to Ulu Yam being very VERY bumpy in places. Now with a little extra modifying you could probably fix a straw from the bottle - a la aero bottle style. But in races - the main attraction here, especially in a long race - is I can throw this bottle and slot in the new one. Saves filling up my aero bottle and while I cannot sip while I ride the bottle is still there in my face telling me to drink!

First real test will be the Philippines I guess, but until then it will get some solid  Malaysian road testing  :)

The Price of Taking Part

It has been a while since I blogged, bizarre as I am constantly online every day. But that IS my work. Keeping an eye on what is happening in the world of triathlon and teamTBB. Coming up with stories and ideas has never been a problem for my overactive brain or perhaps we should say imagination, so I have a long list of ideas and stories/features I want to write about for the website that keeps getting longer not shorter.

Because of this my own blog has been feeling a little left out. Anyway, I love FB the way you can see, virtually hear and read what your ‘friends’ are doing and how they are feeling. And even though I don’t get the chance to blog as much I can still post the occasional FB status. I have always been a firm advocate of a NO SWEARING policy on FB or on the Blog. Basically anywhere where people may get the wrong idea or you may offend someone by a use of inappropriate language is for me a no-no.

This is just how I personally feel. Call me a hypocrite if you like as people who know me know I swear like a trooper. But that is in the presence of those that know what I am like. They can take it with a pinch of salt. I do not want people to start judging me just because I let myself have an emotional 5minutes on FB and go loopy. So I try to keep my emotions in touch when on virtual airwaves.

I am not having a bash at those that do like to vent. Heck even my brother earlier this week launched into a foul-mouthed tirade of abuse at his employer. That’s his choice. I know what he is like - a bit of a hot head like me. Someone else however may think crikey…wouldn’t like to meet him in a dark ally.

Anyway what is all this leading to? As always I am wittering on without getting to the point! The subject, The Price of Taking Part implies something to do with sport and you would be correct in thinking this.

Just this week I have had emails and messages from a local riding clubs about the Century Ride. I won’t be taking part because I choose not to. But apparently the fee has increase from RM90 last year to RM100 this year and they have been inundated with complaints. Even with my terrible mathematical brain that’s a little over 10%. On paper 10% is pretty steep. But lets remember it only started at RM90 not RM200. And apparently you get a lot for your money, a great jersey for starters. Isn’t that worth the RM100 alone? And then there is the privilege of joining a race with all your friends, having support, safety cars, nutrition etc. Is RM100 so much?

Lets move on to Mr Chan and triathlon Malaysia. Now every man and his dog are complaining about not enough local triathlon races and it being too expensive to go overseas. IM Malaysia is off the books, is Putrajaya on/off – who knows? And so Port Dickson registration has increased. I think by RM10. Again I ask you. What is the BIG deal? We all love to take part in Mr Chan’s races. I distinctly dislike the Olympic distance but if there is a race here that I can and am able to support whatever the cost I WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT IT.

Now don’t go sending me comments about Emma the expatriate, earn loads of money etc. Those that know, KNOW that this is NOT the case. I have always taken part in local ‘money’ races with the aim that if I come good and win something then I use that to pay for entry into another race. You will NOT find me Monday morning at the mall spending my hard earned winnings.

Finally, running races. I have yet to do any of these this year. I hope to do the Standard Chartered 21k – but have not yet registered. I am always late to sign up for these things because I never know what I am doing or where I will be. So while it costs a little more as I can never get the early bird that is my choice. I will not complain.

So why are people now complaining about the cost of local running races? The organisers that put these events together are WORKING. It’s their job and they need to make money. We have a choice and many of us make the decision to take part because it is fun to run a race with friends, get a t-shirt, and maybe win something. It makes you work harder. It gives you extra motivation when you sign up for a race.

So why complain? Malaysia, while not perfect in all her organisational skills is still the cheapest and one of the friendliest when it comes to participating in a race whether it is a swim, bike or run. It seems we may have lost IM and that is a huge HUGE shame. This means looking farther afield to take part in an international triathlon that for some is not financially possible. Now that is especially sad since the two years that I have been racing I have seen countless newbie’s enter the playground that I so love.

We can keep fingers crossed and hope for the best but you can also look further afield for your next BIG race perhaps. But whatever you decide please take a positive attitude and support the organisers that are here putting together races for you and I and charging what I deem to be a very honest fee.

You have a choice. You can choose to do your own triathlon, duathlon or run your own 42’s, 21’s, 12’s and 10’s OR you can choose to spend a little money and take part and support the local scene.

Be positive and be constructive, complaining over an extra RM10 that you would not think twice about putting towards your next sporting purchase, dinner, frappacino or movie just does not add up.

Okay, I am getting down off my high horse now, Thanks for reading :)

I Dare You

The 'worst drink in America': 2,000-calorie milkshake has as much saturated fat as 68 rashers of bacon

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1281479/2-000-calorie-milkshake-equivalent-68-rashers-bacon-dubbed-worst-drink-U-S.html#ixzz0p2BIfYpU

Go on, I DARE YOU. Personally the calorie content of this nasty evil filthy milkshake is my current calorie intake for the day. I am trying slowly but surely to get back to my fighting/racing weight...just a couple of Kg's to go now.

I used to drink ice blends (with cream) until the cows came home. I then learnt of the calorie content - such a waste. So I only have it now as a treat.

Would you dare drink this monstrosity even though you knew it was over 2000calories?? YIKES. Surely there are substitutes. Then again I would think nothing of scoffing 200gms of chocolate and that's a 1000 :D

Each to their own I guess.

It used to be easy

This morning was my ride / run brick session. It is an early start leaving at 05:20 for a two hour ride. This morning however I didn't have any friends to play with :( And while I will ride alone on a Saturday, on a Saturday traffic is not so mad and I leave home when daylight is near.

I made a vow not to ride the Wednesdays alone. It is too early and while I would probably be okay and nothing would happen, as a girl alone on the road I would rather not take the risk. Luckily there is no excuse to not train as I just hook George up to the trainer.  Lately my trainer sessions are only one hour long under the 'light' plan. Easy peasy. This morning I did 2hours. Two hours used to seem easy when I was doing 3hours but this morning that hurt. Big gear stuff and pools of water on the floor, I have a way to go I think before I am where I was...OR maybe I am improving. I think I am able to use bigger gears for longer and more resistance now. Well some days I can :)

I was going to do a stair run as my brick but after the hammering I gave my quads on the turbo I decided on a run outside. It had just rained and was so inviting. The good news: I am almost running pain free now. Again, a long way to go..my speed has dramatically dropped but at least when I finish running now I can step up the kerbs and walk rather then gingerly move my legs.

So all is GOOD in my world. Still too busy. I have a to do list a WIP (Work In Progress) list on Malcom (the Mac). It started off with 12items. And the goal was to reduce it each day, but then something would come up and get added to the list.

The current total is 17 items. And every time I delete one task I add two more. But it's ok. You can only do so much right? And this Friday is a public holiday and I am NOT going to do any work ALL DAY. In fact I have a day and a half of debauchery planned...ahem, I wish. But I do have a fun weekend planned where I will be having some much needed down time.

Can't wait!

Danger..DO NOT GO IN THE POOL

Oops too late!

I just finished my swim. The 30 metre pool has always had a problem with the filtration system at my home. I think they need to drain it and fix it once and for all. And after all that rain yesterday it was a bit green. But what the heck...are you man or mouse??? There were some people with nothing to do except sun themselves and splash around in the other 25 metre pool that does not have a problem with filtration. But I gotta do my swim and get back to work so opted to take a risk.

Plus points about swimming in a green pool - or so I thought. No one else will go in. I will have it to myself! Oh how wrong was I? While I did catch quite a few odd looks from passers by, a family with their little girl came down and decided to go in. But they were nice enough and kept out the way of my paddles. Then another guy comes in and starts swimming in a line and style that actually made me look quite good!

Anyway swim done and out I get and at the corner of my eye I see some technicians with some chemistry looking type jobbies. Hmm?

I go over to them and say good/bad? He starts playing with the water and it turns RED. I say again good / BAD?? BAD he says, no swimming.

I leave them to it go up and shower and then walk back down to TBB and see they have put up the TAPE!

Oh well too late. I am still breathing, my hair hasn't all fallen out yet and coach I am sure would be very proud of me...or NOT?! :)

Goodbye Old Friend

I am supposed to guy to Ngae's wake and here I am sitting in TBB. My home away from home. It is probably best and I am going to say goodbye the best way I know how. Through the written word.

It's been the usual busy day but it wasn't until I got to TBB later this afternoon and sat down that what has happened started to sink in. I thought I was handling it all a little too easy, very weird. Especially as it really doesn't take much to set my emotions off into a turmoil. I edited a story today for the website. It is an amazing true story and one I have been waiting to tell since I first met this person last year. It is so bloody ironic how today I am editing this man's 'happy' story on a day where my friend Ngae's story did not have such a happy ending.

What may you ask is the link? The link is both men had a brain tumor. Both men are Ironman. Both men fought against the odds. One has a happy ending, the other has sadly departed this world.

Ngae's actions have made me look deep inside myself. I have had my own ups and downs, we all have. Funnily enough the last time I spoke with our friend was on legal matters pertaining to a personal situation. I am a long long way away from my family, so my friends here are my family. Without my friends my downs would have been deeper and darker and I may not have had the strength to come through. True friends are those that stand by you whatever. I mean whatever as in whatever you do, however crazy, silly, selfish, rude, arrogant you get...they recognize you are in a bad place and stand by you...WHATEVER.

Why have I been so sad this afternoon? Why do tears keep falling?

Because I didn't know Ngae was in such a dark place. I don't know if any of us knew. We would have been there I am sure if we knew. We would have been there whatever. But we didn't know how bad it had got until it was too late.

Goodbye Old Friend. I am booking my tickets to Kona and you are coming with me.

Loss Of A Champion Human Being

Life is certainly very fragile. You most certainly must grasp it, embrace it, relish in it, and enjoy it, LIVE IT. Ngae did this without compromise. Before his life threatening operation last year, I believe Ngae was already living. He never merely existed. He was out there and if you couldn’t see him on a Sunday morning you most probably could hear his rumbling laughter and banter in the cool morning air.

We are all inspired by people. I remember my first triathlon and there was Nage giving me support. As the months progressed he would then tease me about my serious ‘race face’ as the sport took a grip of me. You see Ngae always wore a smile from ear to ear whatever he was doing. And when in his playground of exercising whatever it would be he would wear that big old smile.

After his operation he appeared to bounce back from tragic circumstances. I remember visiting him in Brickfields and he told me about his new positive outlook. He was so grateful at ‘this’ second chance. Well I am not sure I can agree with you my friend about taking a new positive outlook, you were always one of the most positive people around and that is why you touched so many people’s hearts.

When running on a Sunday the beautiful highlight of the morning is seeing your friends, your comrades participating in the same morning ritual of starting the day with honest exercise. On those days post operation when I saw Ngae on the road I would stop. Something I do not do a lot of. But if there was one thing I had for Ngae it was time. We would stop, hug and say good morning before going on our way. He was so full of the joy of being ALIVE.

The last triathlon we did together was Putrajaya 70.3. He was so happy to finally be able to complete a triathlon again. I remember on the run he was wearing that big old smile and laughing. And every time he saw me he would make a beeline to the white chick with the race face. ON that day however I was smiling on the run and when he squirted Gatorade over me – I still smiled!

He was loud, he was cheeky, he was thoughtful and caring. He was my friend. He was your friend. He was NOT your average human being. He was Ngae. RIP; in your too short life you lived a thousand lives.

Hello Legs

Last time I rode Ulu Yam I was nearly savaged by dogs as I could hardly pedal up the first little bugger of a hill. I put it down to a bad day. And it is the first time I cut a ride short. EVER. Trouble is, I was having lots of 'Bad' days. Feeling under powered and not quite myself'. 

So used to having my health and not being ill, when I was actually struck by food poisoning I thought my super human resilience to bugs would shake it off. Oh how wrong was I.

So it has resulted in too many weeks of not feeling myself and ultimately getting quite down especially when at the back of your mind you know you have a rather big race to do later in the year. Supposed to be enjoying my base building, intense training but low hours at the moment; it has been two steps forward and one back. At least you could say I have been moving forward though.

So I attacked Ulu Yam again this morning with Jens. That first hill always gives me the hee-bee-gee-beez, its tough enough on your heart and legs without dogs chasing you!

Great morning for riding. Great company and I felt good and strong. The legs and body are finally back together and that has in turn given me a huge helping of much needed confidence.

Times are not something I make a habit of writing down. When I have a good one, I remember it. When I have a bad one, I remember it, because those are the ones that really build your mental strength.

Today, it was a confidence ego boosting ride. Not flat out and I still posted a new record for TBB to Ulu Yam and back. I am proud of myself today, proud and happy.

YAWN

Gosh, my blogging is getting rather poor lately. I blame teamTBB.com. I am now content and media marketing person for the website - so don't like it, you know where to lay  blame! It is a WIP though and I hope you like the changes that are gently being made. The idea is to connect you all to the HEART of triathlon, it's not a website for checking out the latest gadgets and bikes, its a lifestyle site where you can connect to the  pros,  learn tips and tricks and find inspiration and motivation for whatever your goals in life are. Feedback, ALL types constructive is welcome. OK that's the marketing done!!! So now to my post for the week.

The title to this this post is not a reflection of my state of being. ON the contrary I am feeling pretty awake these days since sorting my health out. I forgot how a normal stomach should feel and also forgot the impact a bad one can have on day to day life.

No this statement is a more of a question to myself. And one I have been pondering over for a few weeks now. 

When thinking back pre triathlon days I remember always yawning. It didn't matter if tired or not. I would find myself yawning all day. First thing in the morning after good nights sleep and there I would be, in work or somewhere yawning my head off. It got to the point where people would comment on it as I did it so frequently.

It was actually quite embarrassing especially when in a meeting or doing an interview with someone and there you are trying to stifle a yawn. It was not the fact they where boring me - or was it??

These days I yawn very little and I don't understand. Three years ago my working hours were no where near as intense or hectic as they are today. Nor were my exercise hours. In those days I was playing badminton, training at the gym, squash and maybe did an average of 10hours a week. I had days off. It was not consistent.

SO now I have come to my own conclusion that yawning does not always mean we are tired. I have not looked into this at all, it is just my own simple evaluation - we all know I like to make things in my life as SIMPLE as possible! But these days although busy from work, and tired with constant goggle eyes from training I do not yawn much at all. I get up early every day and go to bed as early as I can, within reason (Read: I will not walk out of a movie or dinner date to make my curfew!)

I think it is because I am happy with life (Read: most of the time!). Simple as that. I may complain but I do know deep down I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and going in the right direction. Years ago my direction was clouded, the compass was way off kilter and I got a little lost. And so YES, I do think that my constant yawning back then could actually have been a sign of boredom. I wasn't tired I WAS bored. Bored with my life.

Well that's my non-Einstein-like theory and I am sticking with it :)

Stairway to Hell

I have found a new form of torture. Struggling to put in a decent run over the past three weeks due to my hip I decided that after Interstate I would re-attack the run with  a vengeance - I need to push through that discomfort and come out the other side. So that was the plan. Shame my body didn't agree with my head though and decided to get sick and both head and body flew home on Saturday and spent the rest of the weekend sleeping.

So, yesterday. Tuesday, is my run day. Still easing back into it, I am on medication and not back up to speed. So when your not feeling so great maintaining fitness is the goal. Up I get, runners on and out the door. Gently start I tell myself, and off I go. And...STOP. OUCH...YIKES what is wrong with my back? Okay lets try again shall we? Gently, gently catch a monkey. And off I go. And...STOP. Ye-ouch! Now I can take a LOT of pain but this was unbearable discomfort across my lower back and any form of jogging was completely disabling. I stopped. Hands on Hips. Think Emma, THINK. What do I do? (And don't you dare say go back to BED!)

Do I swim? Last time I was unable to run because of discomfort like this I turned to the staircase at home. Back then it was a last resort and yesterday it was again my last resort.

It is all well and good plunking in an extra swim but it is not what I need to to. What I need to do on a Tuesday is blow my heart-rate sky high. And swimming no matter how hard I try will not do that.

So back home (2mins later). Fetched a water bottle, iPod and went to the stairwell.

I live on the 20th floor. Right to the very bottom is 22floors. It is hot in the stairwell no real air..bit like training in a sauna so the bottle of water I left at the top was needed in between each set.

Set the watch, ipod on and off I go, down the stairs. The thought process was take it easy at first still not totally steady on my feet from the tummy bug. I forget my splits the last time I did this. And I knew the litmus test would be climbing back up - would I be able to bear the back pain?

At the bottom, touch the wall (anal I know) and back up, power up them stairs. At the top I am gasping for breath. My muscles are popping and legs are wobbly but my back...ZIP, no pain at all - RESULT.

Quick drink and off I go again. Lets start to push a little shall we? And so I carried on for an just under an hour the time it took me to do 8 sets.

This mornings brick ride hurt, still slow and my calves and quads from the stairHell were very ouchy. There was worse to come though as I checked with the powers that be and apparently I was doing a very good thing. Great workout. Which meant today after my 2hour ride, YUP I did a brick StairHELL. Only 30minutes today but this time I ran up the stairs. Well, jogged. OMG boy oh boy I think it is the toughest thing I have put my heart through for a long time - it was AWESOME.

I am hobbling round at the moment because my calves and quads are so sore, but that will go away. I am kind of hooked on the stairHELL training I think, sure it will go away and I hope it is not for too much longer as I may develop a rather weird running style (Yes, I know I already have a weird style, thank you very much)!!

The lesson I learnt? When all else fails and you think you can't...there is always a way to get the benefits without compromising your health and safety. Unless of course you go and fall arse over tit when running down the stairs!

Inter-what-a-state

My Interstate was over before it really started. Ok, it did start. I did start. But for a couple of weeks now I have been feeling rather under powered. I put this down to my workload and solider on. But now it is time to be honest and to admit that my Interstate was more of a triathlon which included a wet night time drive to Kuala Kangsar with Disco and the gang. Not enough sleep and feeling decidedly dodgy Friday morning. Game face on and a ride to the first stop over - I forget where that was now!! And then a flight out of there as soon as I could possibly manage it. This is what happened and as usual another lesson learnt.

Riding a tri bike, there were a few of us, but I was aware and prepared to do the right thing and stay upright. Little did I know how this would screw my back up :( Some of you have back problems from going aero well it seems my back and neck do not like to sit upright. Uncomfortable is a nice way to put the discomfort I had. I rode with the pack, kind of and not really at the front. Was kind of getting fed up with people telling me where I SHOULD be riding but knew that this was about 3days of survival. It actually turned out to be just one day of survival on the bike however.

After a stop for a coffee and food in town with Dave we carried on to the 30k of hills. I do not know where my legs have been the past few weeks. Again, denial? Work I would say it was, anything except something wrong with my body. Me sick? Nahhh! I am indestructible!!!

Cramp came up and bit me on the inside of my right leg. The last time this happened was when I did power man for the first time two and half years ago. It happened then because I was a new cyclist. It happened Friday because I feel I was using cycling muscles I do not have. Sitting upright is totally different to aero. My muscles were not happy. I rode it through, relaxed fought the pain and it went off. Just as I breathe a sigh of relief there it came again. Arghhhh! At the brow of the hill I see abut 100metres away a support car. Okay...just make it to the car and have a drink and carry on. Just make it to the car. Ha ha! I could see the muscles popping and moving around in my leg. Was not going to happen. I unclipped and carefully stopped. Did not get off the bike, just stood, swore a little and told the legs to buck up and quit messing about and then started again. Got to the support car and they had witnessed my little fiasco. I am ok I told them it's just cramp. Had some liquid nectar 100PLUS and on my way. Feeling better, I then started to catch up with some riders who had seen me struggle. They asked how I was and I cockily replied aah the legs are working now! BAM. No they are not. Basically this happened 4-5 times. I granny geared it nearly the whole way holding off the cramp and when I finally got to the descent whacked it in the big chain and away I went to the finish - Thank GOD.

After I stopped, that's when things drastically started to go wrong. I was slightly dehydrated, and had serious stomach issues. I have been suffering for a month now on and off and again put it down to work. But it seems the bacteria had come back with avengence and I could not keep any food in me and just wanted to close my eyes and sleep. I tried to go for a run (stupid I know) and then nearly ended up fainting.

I skipped the photo session and went straight to bed. Saturdays ride was not looking good. My stomach was in such a bad way I felt really embarrassed and sorry for my room mates Chris and Bee!!

Saturday Morning. No way was I riding, after 10hours rest I felt worse. My stomach confirmed this. I was pretty fed up and just wanted out of there as quickly as possible. The idea was drive to Kota Baru and maybe fly out but I did not have my passport and was told my drivers licence IC would not be good enough. I seriously did not know how I could hack another two days - no offence to everyone there, the spirit was superb I just did not feel like being a part of it.

I felt sorry for myself enough as it was. Every one riding or supporting was happy and I just wanted to be alone and sleep. When people saw I was not dressed to ride the obvious questions naturally started and I just didn't know what to do with myself :(

I drove Dave's truck following Joanne and her co pilot (sorry forgot your name). About two hours in, I was dangerously close to falling asleep at the wheel. Driving in the middle of the road I did not want to take out any peloton!! In the end I had to make a call to Jo and ask if she could drive. I was terrified I would have an accident. As soon as she got on the car I was asleep.

I slept and slept and one time I awoke to see  Patrick driving! Thank you guys for taking care of me on Saturday. I changed cars and left Patrick with the truck and went in Jo's car to KB. They bypassed the airport first where luck finally was on my side and I was able to get a ticket with airasia using my drivers licence. It cost me RM194 one way! But I needed to get home and get to the doctors.

I got home at 7pm last night. I had some food which kept my up most of the night and this morning went to the doctors. Apparently it is not serious but I do have a lot of medication to take and must abstain from coffee, chocolate and banana's for a few days - not so bad I guess!!

After sleeping all of today I still feel buggered. My body aches and I do not know whether this is from all the car travel or from the body's loss of nutrients from not being able to retain any food. My legs feel numb and dead. And I am worrying on how this is going to effect me...yes I mean as in my training!

I should not worry however. Interstate for me was about fun. It didn't quite turn out that way but my race is in 6months time. So I have plenty of time to get better and stronger. I could have completed the 3days of riding through sheer stupidly and on the fitness that I do have. But I have learnt some things. And by completing the ride I would have set myself back maybe 6weeks, instead I hope that I have finally nipped this bug in the bud!

I am one of those people I am afraid that does not like to go to the doctors. I should have gone a couple of weeks ago when I had a bad ride to Bentong. I didn't see it, but the others riding with me did. So maybe when you can not accept that something is wrong, you should tell yourself to listen to your friends - sometimes they are right and we train often enough together to know when one of us is not on form!

So, interstate 2011? I hear it will be back to August next year. I think that is during my Birthday :) So long as it does not clash with the Philippines 70.3 I think I would very much like to go back and exorcise my demons!!

Tomorrow? A gentle swim to reawaken the body.